The big 2-3

No new post today - just a good old fashioned HAPPY BIRTHDAY to our favorite Pattinson.

Happy Birthday Rob, we hope you have all sorts of fun today!

But maybe not this kind of fun....

Loves it!

Self-deprecation seems okay

Rob,

Do you really NOT see how gorgeous you are? You not seeing your insane sex appeal is like the Pope not acknowledging he's catholic. It's just wrong. But at the same time, we love listening to your comments about your "rolling beer belly". As you can see, you can do no wrong by your fans, we big-puffy-heart you.

Hope you are doing well,

99% of the world's female population

RP is the king of self-deprecating humor, and I personally can not get enough of it! Listening to the world's sexiest man talk about "seeing his stupid face everywhere" or it "hurting when he looks in the mirror" just seems to fuel my gigantic crush on him. 

Despite looking the way he does, Rob can always be counted on to poke fun at his muscles (or as he seems to think, lack thereof), his face, his hair, his clothes, and basically everything related to him. It's endearing. It shows the complete absence of arrogance and is always partnered with our favorite smile and giggle.

Just one thing Rob: even though we think it's cute when you hate on yourself, we hope that's not really how you think of yourself. That would make us sad, because you sir - you are awesomeness personified. 

Pattinized Chuck Norrisisms

I found these on an IMDB board and thought they were just too wonderful not to share. To the author, whoever you may be, we thank you!

Rob Pattinson can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves. 

When Rob sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, laying on the ground with a cigarette in his mouth. Rob Pattinson has not had to pay taxes, ever. 

Rob Pattinson doesn't wash his clothes, he melts them with his inveterate hotness. 

Rob Pattinson is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Rob Pattinson. 

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Rob Pattinson turned that wine into beer. 

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Rob Pattinson. 

When Rob Pattinson calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out. And then they keep calling him back. 

There are no races, only countries of people Rob Pattinson has dazzled. 

When Rob Pattinson falls in water, Rob Pattinson doesn't get wet. Water gets Rob Pattinson. 

Rob Pattinson sleeps with a night light. Not because Rob Pattinson is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Rob Pattinson. 

Rob Pattinson only plays his trumpet to pictures of Rob Pattinson. 

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Rob Pattinson. 

When Rob Pattinson talks, everybody listens. And is dazzled. 

Rob Pattinson doesnt shave; he licks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Rob Pattinson is Rob Pattinson. 

Rob Pattinson invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. 

Rob Pattinson has the sexiest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite not being born yet, holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. 

If you have a dollar and Rob Pattinson has a dollar, Rob Pattinson has more money than you. 

There is no ctrl button on Rob Pattinson's computer. Rob Pattinson is always in control. 

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Rob Pattinson. 

Rob Pattinson doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Rob Pattinson throws down! 

Rob Pattinson and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building. 

Rob Pattinson can touch MC Hammer. 

Rob Pattinson is responsible for China's over-population. His GQ cover was shown in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly. 

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Rob Pattinson has allowed to live. 

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Rob Pattinson pajamas. 

Rob Pattinson invented the cigarette, liquor, sexual intercourse, and In & Out Burger -- in that order. 

Rob Pattinson is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2012 Olympics, even though Rob Pattinson does not swim. This is because when Rob Pattinson enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Rob Pattinson simply walks across the pool floor. 

Rob Pattinson eats Hot Pockets and craps pine trees. Then, he uses those pine trees to make paper, which he uses to make a magazine and sell more Hot Pockets. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life." 

Rob Pattinson is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. 

Rob Pattinson doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma. 

Rob Pattinson has to maintain a concealed weapon license in order to legally wear pants. 

Rob Pattinson is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Pattinson claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis. 

Did you love it? I did.

Music is my religion

I don't know about you, but one of the things that I love about Rob is his passion for music. I myself am completely and severely addicted to all things musical. I play the piano and the guitar, I have a  CD collection that would put most pack-rats to shame and my bank account is dangerously nearing $0 as I've spent the past few months checking out up and coming bands at local venues. When I heard Rob sing during Twilight, you would have needed a forklift to pick my jaw off the sticky theatre floor.

Reason 16314 we love Rob: he's uber talented.

There are no words to describe his voice. It's raw, soulful, amazing! It's like Van Morrison meets Jeff Buckley partying with Rob Thomas and Tom Waits. Never Think and Let Me Sign are obviously the tracks you're most familiar with, but spend a little time on YouTube and you'll come across a few more that will leave you speechless and wanting more. My personal favorite? Rob's cover of Van Morrison's I'll Be Your Lover Too (note the laughing during and after the song, adorable). Oh oh - and did you hear that he's also currently composing for the soundtrack of an upcoming movie? Can't wait.

Have you seen Edward's Piano Concert on the Twilight DVD extras? No? Do it. Do it NOW! I don't know if it's just because I'm a fellow "pianist", but Rob's fingers moving across the keys is a magical sight.

We can't discuss Rob's music without paying tribute to the rest of the "Brit Pack" - Sam Bradley, Marcus Foster and Bobby Long. I follow all 3 on myspace and their music rocks. I've had the pleasure of seeing Sam perform live 3 times now and he is definitely, without a doubt, one of my favorite musicians. He has such energy and charisma onstage and really interacts with his audience. His songs and lyrics are extremely addictive and he's just a cutie. If any of these 3 boys ever make it to a town near you I highly recommend you check out their show!

Rob also has a very unique taste in music. He doesn't fall victim to the mainstream tunes that are overplayed and polluting the radio waves. It's refreshing to know their are still guys out there who listen to and appreciate the greats as opposed to just bobbing their head to some cheesed-out 80's rap remake. What exactly is Rob listening to, you ask? Check it out - here's his iTunes playlist:

"C-Jam Blues" by Oscar Peterson: "What I learned how to play blues piano riffs from. Peterson was the best."

"Solid Sender" by John Lee Hooker: "If I could have a song as a wife..."

"Soft" by Kings of Leon: "I've always thought that I really relate to the lyrics of this even though I don't really know what they are. I love the singer's enunciation in all their songs. They are pretty much the only modern band I can say I am a fan of."

"Cold Sweat" by James Brown: "This song hits me just as hard every time I've heard it since I was a little kid and I listened to James Brown on the way to school."

"Dean" by Terry Reid: "I love Terry Reid. I love the schizophrenic decisions he makes towards the end of this song when he's choosing what notes to sing.Terry Reid was just one of those guys like James Brown who when they got into a groove, it just seemed like they'd want to keep singing the same line, let alone the same song, all night."

"Stepping Out Queen, Pt. II" by Van Morrison: "Another guy who has such a visionary and unique take on what structure in songwriting is, what singing is, and what can be achieved emotioanlly and spiritually through music."

"Lengths" by The Black Keys: "Another new band I like. This is a beautiful song. I like how it's produced. This whole album is great."

"One Mo'gin" by D'Angelo: "I love D'Angelo. I used to always try and sing like him when I was younger and embarrassingly fail. I like his pronunciation when he sings. I think when you try and write lyrics and you think that there is no way the listener will figure out what you're saying or what you mean, you write much more honestly. I think."

"Blue Monday People" by Curtis Mayfield: "Got inspired by putting D'Angelo on. This whole album is amazing. The production on it is incredible. A really interesting album which not a lot of people listen to. Don't know why."

"Brown Trout Blues" by Johnny Flynn: "I grew up with some amazing musicians in London who are still my friends. Marcus Foster, Bobby Long and Sam Bradley are recording their albums now, but Johnny Flynn completed his one a while ago. I just saw him play in L.A. and he was incredible. But he's always been incredible so I can't say I was surprised. Get this album it's great and no one else does music like him at all."

"Ambulance Blues" by Neil Young: "One of the most moving songs ever written or recorded. I used to listen to the line 'I guess I'll call it sickness gone' on repeat for hours when I wanted to try and write something."

"A Whiter Shade of Pale" by King Curtis: "Just a beautiful song. Reminds me of the end of Withnail and I."

"Ruby's Arms" by Tom Waits: "My favorite Tom Waits song. I cry almost every time I hear it. Plays over an amazing scene in one of my favorite movies too - Prenom Carmen."

"(First) Essay for Orchestra, Op. 12" by Atlanta Symphony Orchestra & Yoel Levi:"This song just hurts, it's so beautiful."

"T.B. Sheets" by Van Morrison: "Only Van Morrison can do a performance like this. No one else has come close." 

Notice his analysis of each song? 

It really is too bad that Rob can no longer go out and perform at open mic nights due to the fact that the crowd will likely rush the stage and cause a riot. I also read somewhere that he didn't really like the fact that one of his performances was video-taped and put on YouTube because it made it feel less private. It's great that he still gets to jam it out with his cast members in his hotel room, but I can't imagine ever being stripped of my freedom to just go out and play wherever I want. I know what you're thinking, that no one is really stopping him, but that's just our modest-Rob again. 

You have a beautiful and poetic soul Rob. Never give up on your music - you're too damn good!

Taylor vs. Robert

Team Edward. Team Jacob. 

Team Robert. Team Taylor.

Each have their loyal band of followers, who all have their reasons why their way is THE way. I'm not going to touch the Edward/Jacob issue, because, contrary to what some of you may believe, they are fictional characters. Robert and Taylor, however, well they are the real deal.

So which one makes you squeal like a 12 year old (or for some you, squeal like you normally would)? Well if you're here, I'm pretty sure I already know the answer. 

2 very different boys. 2 very different effects on women. Let's begin.

Oh Taylor. What can I say. You're very sweet, but I'm 22 and you're 17, it just wouldn't have worked. I still luv ya though. Note my use of "luv" as opposed to "love". See this is the difference between Rob and Taylor. When I see Taylor, I want to hug him like my favorite teddy bear. When I see Rob, I want to... do other things. Taylor makes girls go "awwww", Rob sets girls into a straight up frenzy. 

Why? I just don't know. Maybe it's that damn illusion of Rob being Edward and Taylor being Jacob rearing it's ugly head again. If so, let's just refresh once again: Rob is Rob, Taylor is Taylor. There's no such thing as vampires and werewolves who embody the qualities of the perfect man/friend. Feel better? Good. I was worried about you for a minute there, glad I was able to shoot you full of reality again.

Anyways, both are hot. It makes me feel kind of dirty calling Taylor hot seeing as he's a year younger than my little sister, but what can you do? It's the truth. Have you seen those abs? Normal 17 year olds DO NOT have abs like that. Or arms. Or shoulders. Or necks. Damn, that boy is ripped. Did I mention his million dollar smile? Look out Ryan Seacrest, TL is in the house! But alas, he still just can not compare to the ruggedly handsome, sexy, scruffy and oh-so-yummy Mr. Pattinson. One look into those eyes and I melt all over the floor. Robert also has the accent working in his favor too - sorry Taylor, it's the price you pay for going up against a foreigner! 

Taylor is probably one of the most well-spoken, polite, sincere kids I have ever seen in Hollywood. He's a total sweetie pie to his fans, and why wouldn't he be? He's a teenage boy who has girlies throwing themselves at him. Raging hormones much, Taylor? In all seriousness though, he's great. If he had been replaced as Jacob I would have been very heartbroken.

Yes politeness is definitely one of Taylor's best qualities. Now Robert. Robert could probably call me fat, ugly, tell me to f*** off, whatever, and I'd still be putty in his hands. Don't know why, I can't explain it - can you? For me, Rob's quirky personality is what sends his hotness rating off the charts. I just can't get enough of it. His random and sometimes awkward jokes, that nervous laugh, the hand in the hair, it's the stuff dreams are made of I tell you. And what about that humble attitude and modesty? We love you Rob - don't ever change a thing!

I'm going to stop myself now because I'm dangerously close of bursting out into my own rendition of "You Are So Beautiful". 

So, as I stated above: 2 very different boys/men. 2 very different effects on women.

Who's your man... boy... male? Sound off!

Oh, the hair!

Shave it, style it, play with it, twirl it - it really doesn't matter what he does to it, the hair just works! 

He says he gets 12 year old virgins to lick it, others blame it on a lack of shampooing, a fan girl somewhere someday will claim she's his personal stylist and gives him daily direction on what to do with his 'do. 

Whatever your methods, Rob baby, keep it up!

The things we do for him

As a collective, us Rob fans are often referred to as crazy fans, but how many of us are actually crazy? Much to their dismay, I think there is a very large portion of RPattz fans who are, how do I put this gently... F***IN' CRAZY! Don't deny it, you know you are.

So WHY are we getting this rep? What did we do to deserve it? Let's play a game. I want you to think about the last time you saw RP, be it in person, on the silver screen, in a magazine - whatever. What feelings came over you? How did you react to them? Now, I'm not going to go throwing accusations around and say every single one of you is off your rocker if you got butterflies and a sudden urge to strip him down and cart him off to a cheap motel, because at the end of the day, that's all they are right? Thoughts. Urges. Dreams. Desires. But as we are about to discover, there are the fans who ignore that little voice screaming inside their ear, and against their better judgement they proceed to do the things that make Rob hide in his hotel while the rest of the world cringes at their stupidity. 

First of all, we all know the classic request of "will you bite me?" Okay, I'm going to stop right there. First of all, he is NOT Edward Cullen! Quit asking the man to bite you! And Tyra Banks, you should be ashamed of yourself. You're supposed to be setting an example, not getting 22 year old men (NOT vampires) to bite your neck.

Next, there's the fans who have this sudden stroke of genius and decide that when they see him, either on foot or in a vehicle, they are going to chase him. To these people, I must ask, what are you expecting to happen if you catch him? Do you think he's going to be happy that you just sent him into a panic while you proceeded to chase him down an alley? Do you think he's going to ask if would like to join him for tea and crumpets while you casually discuss the impact of global warming? Kiss you? Propose to you? WHAT IS YOUR LOGIC?! I just don't understand. The moral of the story: don't chase people - it's creepy, and wrong.

I could go on, but to save myself from turning this into a hate-thread, I'm just to offer a few tips to my fellow fans that will hopefully aid in diluting future situations and minimizing our psycho-reputation:

1) If you are lucky enough to have a conversation with him, good for you. And I'm jealous. But please keep in mind that this does not make you instant friends. Rob was not giving you "the look", and he was not trying to get you back to his hotel room. Take it for what it was, Rob being the sweetheart that he is and giving you a moment of his time. Period.

2) Do not ask him to have your babies. Enough said.

3) Don't hate on Kristen, she's a cool chick. An incredibly lucky, makes me want to live a day in her life, cool chick. Just because she's kissing on RP does not mean you should send her deaths threats. FYI: it's called ACTING. (And yes I know, the shippers will beg to differ, but I'm not even going to start on that one).

4) Know your limits. Seeing Rob on a fluke in an elevator and striking up a few minutes of small talk with him - OKAY! Riding an elevator for hours and hours in hopes that Rob will enter - NOT OKAY!

Just respect the guy, k?